Sunday, January 07, 2007
Christmas With The Speeds
Well, I haven't updated because, December always kicks my ass, and I don't have the emotional depths or capacity to blog daily.
However, in my quest to become a complete blogwhore, here is what you missed from the life of Dr. Speed . . .
Second Saturday in December, I (Mrs. Dr. Speed was shopping, The Princess Of Speed was working, and Dr. Speed Jr. was working) went to our town's Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony, which I found was covered in Wikipedia, what a surprise, and our dumbass Senator called the trees Oak trees. What an asshole. I did not see my neighbors Patrice Rushen or John C. Reilly, but I found out that my bulldagger looking neighbor worked on the Alien movies. My favorite neighbor, The Einstein, was working in Nebraska for the University. Did you know that the U of N issues "N" cards for identification? When I pointed that out to The Einstein, he wasn't amused. At all. See, it's a card with a picture of a black man, with a GIANT "N" on it. Made me suspicious, that's all.
Anyway, back to the Tree Lighting, a bunch of my neighbors were there, but I was quite drunk, and determined not to embarrass myself by speaking to them, so I found a spot off to the left of the stage, and observed the chaos. That group from Santa Monica was there, and they can really sing, then there were some church guys, and they sang some depressing shit, and the M.C. was some dizzy white lady who didn't have the foresight to read her cue cards before the acts were on stage, then the little kids came out to sing Jingle Bells, but the old lady with the bells couldn't keep the beat to save her life, so it fucked up the little kids, and amused the shit out my drunk ass. The stupid M.C. was whining about the possibility of rain, and I'm thinking, "Shut the fuck up and flip the switch, then, bitch!" So, she counted down, and someone flipped the switch, then we all gathered in the street and watched the pretty, pretty, lights in the trees. I grabbed some hot chocolate, and joined the throng. It was cool.
About a week later, I went to Susan's annual Christmas party and managed not to get thrown out. Major accomplishment. Susan is so hot when she's drunk. I really want to kiss her.
Christmas eve, we all got together at my uncles house in L.A. and I endured the whole "family togetherness" thing. My cousin was there with his stuck-up wife and his stuck-up kids. I'm happy that your business is successful, but can't you teach your wife and kids some fucking manners? I decided that I wasn't going to feed into their bullshit, and mingled with everyone except those stuck-up bitches. Libby, who is my other cousin's ex-wife (long story) was as hot as ever. My cousin was telling me how he just came back from Thailand and Macau, and he was trying to sneak away to Fiji, but he couldn't ditch his wife, and I'm thinking about how hot his wife is, but she has a goddamn attitude problem, so fuck it, I would have tried to sneak off to Fiji, also. We compared notes on traveling to Africa, and he was saying how much he wanted to go when we went, and I'm saying, "Hell, I wanted to go when you did!" So, we talked about going to France, but I doubt it'll happen. His wife is a bitch.
Well, we had dinner, opened the presents, and I made myself at home behind the bar, which was probably a mistake, as suddenly, I'm the world's best bartender. I made a bunch of drinks for folks, and few for myself, and got real toasty. At the end of the night, we said our goodbyes and I set the cruise control, and let the Town Car drive me home.
The Next Morning, also known as Christmas Day, we went over my dad's (The King Of Speed) house. I had a goddamn wicked hangover. I listened to him and his wife talk about their trip to Hong Kong until I couldn't take it anymore, then I went and puked my guts out in the guest bathroom, then I excused myself, drove back to my house, and went to sleep it off. It worked too.
When I returned to work on the 26th, I was informed that there was a "mandatory" luncheon for all managers on the 27th. I told my boss that I would be leaving for the day after the luncheon. The luncheon was a farce. It was supposedly to congratulate us on our successful year, and chart the direction of our business for the new year. I was so disgusted by the politicians giving the presentation, that I went ahead and ordered drinks, because what the fuck, I wasn't going back to work, so fuck these guys. Can we please get some guys that know how to run a business, instead of political hacks. Bah! At least we got gift bags, like the Academy Awards. After the presentation, one of the hacks said, "You guys can leave when you're ready." Needless to say, I was the first one out the door.
A few days later, I received the second best head that I had ever gotten in my life. I am seriously fond of freaks that know how to go for what they know. However, it's sad that I can count on one hand, the good head that I've gotten. It's a big turn off when chicks be gagging. Huge.
New Years Eve was quiet, I had to be in Santa Monica at midnight, and it wasn't so bad. (The crowds and traffic.) The dude with the cannon didn't do his thing this year. Which was too bad. Then, the last couple of days, we got raped by these super high winds, which conspired to rip the roof off of my patio. So, I spent the morning up on top of the patio repairing the roof, and the afternoon tinkering with Project: Hot Rod, which is running just too fucking hot, and I can't isolate why.
Tonight, I downloaded a bunch of obscure music, resolved to be a better father, update this blog more often, and lose 20 fucking pounds.
Love and kisses,
Dr. Speed
However, in my quest to become a complete blogwhore, here is what you missed from the life of Dr. Speed . . .
Second Saturday in December, I (Mrs. Dr. Speed was shopping, The Princess Of Speed was working, and Dr. Speed Jr. was working) went to our town's Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony, which I found was covered in Wikipedia, what a surprise, and our dumbass Senator called the trees Oak trees. What an asshole. I did not see my neighbors Patrice Rushen or John C. Reilly, but I found out that my bulldagger looking neighbor worked on the Alien movies. My favorite neighbor, The Einstein, was working in Nebraska for the University. Did you know that the U of N issues "N" cards for identification? When I pointed that out to The Einstein, he wasn't amused. At all. See, it's a card with a picture of a black man, with a GIANT "N" on it. Made me suspicious, that's all.
Anyway, back to the Tree Lighting, a bunch of my neighbors were there, but I was quite drunk, and determined not to embarrass myself by speaking to them, so I found a spot off to the left of the stage, and observed the chaos. That group from Santa Monica was there, and they can really sing, then there were some church guys, and they sang some depressing shit, and the M.C. was some dizzy white lady who didn't have the foresight to read her cue cards before the acts were on stage, then the little kids came out to sing Jingle Bells, but the old lady with the bells couldn't keep the beat to save her life, so it fucked up the little kids, and amused the shit out my drunk ass. The stupid M.C. was whining about the possibility of rain, and I'm thinking, "Shut the fuck up and flip the switch, then, bitch!" So, she counted down, and someone flipped the switch, then we all gathered in the street and watched the pretty, pretty, lights in the trees. I grabbed some hot chocolate, and joined the throng. It was cool.
About a week later, I went to Susan's annual Christmas party and managed not to get thrown out. Major accomplishment. Susan is so hot when she's drunk. I really want to kiss her.
Christmas eve, we all got together at my uncles house in L.A. and I endured the whole "family togetherness" thing. My cousin was there with his stuck-up wife and his stuck-up kids. I'm happy that your business is successful, but can't you teach your wife and kids some fucking manners? I decided that I wasn't going to feed into their bullshit, and mingled with everyone except those stuck-up bitches. Libby, who is my other cousin's ex-wife (long story) was as hot as ever. My cousin was telling me how he just came back from Thailand and Macau, and he was trying to sneak away to Fiji, but he couldn't ditch his wife, and I'm thinking about how hot his wife is, but she has a goddamn attitude problem, so fuck it, I would have tried to sneak off to Fiji, also. We compared notes on traveling to Africa, and he was saying how much he wanted to go when we went, and I'm saying, "Hell, I wanted to go when you did!" So, we talked about going to France, but I doubt it'll happen. His wife is a bitch.
Well, we had dinner, opened the presents, and I made myself at home behind the bar, which was probably a mistake, as suddenly, I'm the world's best bartender. I made a bunch of drinks for folks, and few for myself, and got real toasty. At the end of the night, we said our goodbyes and I set the cruise control, and let the Town Car drive me home.
The Next Morning, also known as Christmas Day, we went over my dad's (The King Of Speed) house. I had a goddamn wicked hangover. I listened to him and his wife talk about their trip to Hong Kong until I couldn't take it anymore, then I went and puked my guts out in the guest bathroom, then I excused myself, drove back to my house, and went to sleep it off. It worked too.
When I returned to work on the 26th, I was informed that there was a "mandatory" luncheon for all managers on the 27th. I told my boss that I would be leaving for the day after the luncheon. The luncheon was a farce. It was supposedly to congratulate us on our successful year, and chart the direction of our business for the new year. I was so disgusted by the politicians giving the presentation, that I went ahead and ordered drinks, because what the fuck, I wasn't going back to work, so fuck these guys. Can we please get some guys that know how to run a business, instead of political hacks. Bah! At least we got gift bags, like the Academy Awards. After the presentation, one of the hacks said, "You guys can leave when you're ready." Needless to say, I was the first one out the door.
A few days later, I received the second best head that I had ever gotten in my life. I am seriously fond of freaks that know how to go for what they know. However, it's sad that I can count on one hand, the good head that I've gotten. It's a big turn off when chicks be gagging. Huge.
New Years Eve was quiet, I had to be in Santa Monica at midnight, and it wasn't so bad. (The crowds and traffic.) The dude with the cannon didn't do his thing this year. Which was too bad. Then, the last couple of days, we got raped by these super high winds, which conspired to rip the roof off of my patio. So, I spent the morning up on top of the patio repairing the roof, and the afternoon tinkering with Project: Hot Rod, which is running just too fucking hot, and I can't isolate why.
Tonight, I downloaded a bunch of obscure music, resolved to be a better father, update this blog more often, and lose 20 fucking pounds.
Love and kisses,
Dr. Speed
// posted by The Wonderfulness Of Dr. Speed @ 12:28 AM 
